whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
3pm strippers are depressing
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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