I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
