What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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