i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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