Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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