he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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