he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize