Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
