Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
