Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
