You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
