can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
