sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
