im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
