Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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