hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
