She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
