well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
