I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
