I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
