did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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