Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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