I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
