When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
