I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
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