they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
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