We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
