i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
