I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
