I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
