I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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