I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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