so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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