he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
