final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
