i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
