If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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