your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
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