were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
We're too hungover to prance.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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