idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
