i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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