I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
