I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
