I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
