final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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