My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
