you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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