**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
