You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
What a dumb baby whore.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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