You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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