I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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