I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize