yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
