Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
