tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
