bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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