Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
