The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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