We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
