Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
