dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
