I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I will pee on everything he values.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
