chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
