also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize