I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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