I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize