Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
