Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
