he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
