She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Randomize
