Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
