is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
my nose is crying tears of wow.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
