hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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