you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
