So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
you never un-have a 4some
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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