Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
