I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
