similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
