so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
