sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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